Fold! Cut! Boom! Criminals in Love!
by Unknown Marauder
Summary: In an unexpected twist of fate after a argument of sorts, two unexpecting Akatsuki members are introduced to a new emotion... love. DeidaraxKonan, PeinxKonan, TobixDeidara. Raed M for language, violence, and adult themes
1. Chapter 1

'Ello again! I have finally broken down and started creating a new series which isn't just a collection of drabbles and one shots! There's a little back story behind this, so I shall explain.

This was written by me and a friend and I on the 'Day of Eternal Wrong', aka Wacky Wednesday during school Spirit Week. I made a half-assed attempt at dressing as Deidara, and she to a slight extent, dressed as Konan. Out of sheer boredom, we write the bit of dialog that's in my mini-story and Drabble collection. It's chapter three, if you're curious.

Anyways, we got talking the next day and we thought: "Hey, I wonder what happened after that scenario." Thus, we began this monster of a project. 18 pages of all dialog once typed, so that's...what... thirty something written pages? Anyways, we got done writing it, looked at the page count, almost fainted and then said: "Let's write a sequel!"

I'm not even starting that sequel until this one is done. Besides, I need to pull it out of my dresser. Well, at least what we have written. One page got lost in the school library's copy of 'Prisoner of Arabian', and we haven't't written since. The plot of it is relatively simple, though, and I can think on it when I get to that point.

Anyways, enjoy the fic! Next installment will be... well... hopefully soon.

**XxXxXxXxXxX**

**Fold! Cut! Boom! Criminals in Love!**

Deidara peeked out from behind a door, brow drenched in sweat. It had been a half hour since Tobi, his partner, had begun chasing him around the Akatsuki lair. He had been asking Konan, the resident female, for relationship advice, and she wasted no time in diverting attention from her being on the bottom during sex by calling in the hyper-active Uchiha.

"Konan-chan, why did you have to call in Tobi like that, un?" he asked, checking to see if the coast was clear for the umpteenth time. "He runs me ragged enough at night; I don't need him to run me ragged in the morning, too, un."

The blue-haired kunoichi raised and amused eyebrow and smirked, readjusting the white flower in her hair. "Well, Deidara, Tobi _is_ a good boy." She noticed the blond shiver slightly.

"Not always, un…"

There was a good minute of awkward silence between the two Akatsuki members and Deidara came out fully form behind the door.

"Wow, Konan-chan, don't be such a chatterbox, un." Konan's head turned at the amount of sarcasm that was laced into the sentence. She wasn't used to being talked to that way. Lust and command were normal, but never, _ever_ sarcasm.

"I'm not a loudmouth, unlike a certain blond male who I work with," was her stern reply. The air suddenly became charged with the faint bit of electricity that came just before a storm… or a fight. Deidara raised his chin looking down at Konan, a faint look of amused contempt playing on his features, producing a smirk.

"Odd… I remember you being quite the screamer when you were with Pein last night, un." Deidara saw, with satisfaction, Konan's fists clench, knuckles turning white. He was pushing the right buttons to anger her. For some reason, arguments seemed to take away the stress of the day. "But it's nothing to be upset about, Konan-chan," he continued, looking at his purple-painted nails. "There were some nights where Sasori-dana and I were so loud; Itachi would scold me for a week, un."

"You god damned bastard," Konan sneered in slight disgust, glaring at him. The two now stood facing each other. Zetsu, who had been sitting in a corner, absorbing sunlight, took this opportunity to leave. The argument, he noticed, had no chance of ending well, especially now that Konan was about to snap.

Deidara yawned, using the hand he was observing to cover his mouth. "What a coincidence! I remember you saying the same thing to Pein last ni-"

"You _die_!" Konan raged, throwing three paper shiruken at the blond. He quickly ducked them and placed his arms over his head, cowering comically.

"I was joking! I'm sorry, really! Please don't kill me, Konan-chan, un!" The kunoichi glared at her sniveling fellow criminal and placed her next volley of paper shiruken in her cloak pocket.

"You're lucky, Deidara. If you weren't a valuable member of Akatsuki, I would have killed you here and now. Push your luck again, and I will not hesitate to murder you, man whore."

Deidara sprang up, stepping towards Konan, arms crossed. "Whoa now! Look at the pot calling the kettle black! I'm a man whore, and you're the only girl amongst seven guys! I don't even need my scope to see what the hell is going on there, un!"

There was another moment of awkward silence between the two criminals before the door opened and Kisame walked in. The swordsman walked through the room until he got to a small table. From the table, he picked up a deck of playing cards and then proceeded to leave the room.

"Oh yeah… it's Friday!" Deidara remembered, all previous tension gone. "It's Poker night! I can't believe I forgot! Hey, Konan-chan, you're going to come to Poker Night, right?" he asked, clearly having put their earlier feud behind. "Please come! It's at seven."

Konan though for a second, then smirked. "I don't know, Deidara. I _do_ have six other men to attend to."

"Don't even joke like that, un," Deidara said, becoming defensive for reasons unbeknownst to him. "Besides, Pein is supposed to be the pervert, un."

Konan just let out a laugh. "Seriously, Deidara, I have plans tonight. But, you pushed my buttons, I will now push yours. How was Tobi last night?" The kunoichi smiled triumphantly at the taken-aback criminal in front of her, who began stuttering nervously, unwillingly making eye contact.

"Well, Umm, I-I guess, uh, I'm j-just not used to the handcuffs and, um, ah… being s-strapped to the bed, un…" he explained hesitantly, rubbing the back of his head. "I-I'd rather not talk about it, un…"

"Then don't open up your personal life like a book," Konan advised, stepping forward and flicking at Deidara's headband with her index finger. "After all, aren't ninjas all about keeping secrets and being stealthy?"

Deidara averted his eyes from her gaze. _Too close for comfort_, he thought, backing away and meeting a wall. "But I trust you… I would never have said anything if you hadn't asked, un…"

Konan moved closer to Deidara. "You seem nervous, Deidara… I thought you trusted me," she crooned. "You're' tense…"

"If Pein were to come in now," Deidara warned,"you would be in deep trouble, un."

"Oh, relax, will you?" she half snapped, leaning against Deidara. "He won't come… he's off on a mission…"

Deidara felt himself, oddly enough, putting his arms around Konan. _What's happening_? He wondered to himself, pulling her closer. "K-Konan-chan… I… you…un…"

Konan chuckled. "What, Deidara? Are you too much of a girl to give me a simple hug?" She almost laughed, but she felt herself being spun around and shoved up against the wall, hard. Deidara stood in front of her, pinning her to the wall, his one exposed eye boring into her soul with a mix of fury and… lust…

"I am not a girl, un," he growled. Konan smirked at his reaction. Pein had never acted this way when teased. It was… interesting, she noted.

Leaning forward just a little, Konan whispered into Deidara's ear. "Prove it to me, then."

The next thing she knew, Konan was laying next to Deidara on his bed, covered by a thick, black blanket, staring at the ceiling with partially glazed-over eyes.

"Oh my god… what just happened?"


	2. Chapter 2

I'm Back!

Say 'Hello' to chapter two! This is where we begin to get past the 'Aw, they're so cute together' phase and into the 'Oh snap, what will happen now' phase.

A boatload of thanks to GoodGoodSmile, who is now editing the **Fold! Cut! Boom!** series.

I hope you all enjoy! Next chapter will be hopefully up soon, but I have a lot of stuff happening in the next couple of weeks.

**XxXxXxXxXx**

**Fold! Cut! Boom! Criminals in Love!**

Half an hour later, Deidara pulled on his Akatsuki cloak, silently contemplating the situation he and Konan had gotten themselves into. It happened so quickly, and it was so unexpected, that he had no clue as to what to do next.

"God, you're such a girl," Konan sighed, readjusting the white flower in her hair. "I mean, only a woman likes having their sex that rough and passionate."She didn't turn to look at Deidara who, with a triumphant smirk, moved over and sat on the bed.

"So, you like your sex rough and passionate, eh, un? Do you mean to tell me that Pein doesn't fill that need of yours?"

The kunoichi decided not to answer as she looked into a mirror, making sure that there was nothing out of the ordinary with her appearance. Deidara continued to watch her, expecting a reaction to his none too sensitive jeer. After a few minutes of utter silence from the female, he eventually decided that he would receive no response from her nonchalant expression.

Finally she spoke, avoiding the subject of Pein. "Deidara, I know this may be a little hard for you, but you're going to have to deflate that ego of yours just enough to keep quiet about this. Nothing happened, okay?"

Deidara smirked. "Something happened, Konan-chan? I must have missed it, un."

"Exactly." Turning, Konan couldn't help but smile at the multi-mouthed shinobi. "You know, actually, I don't think I'm going to regret what happe-" She was abruptly cut off as someone knocked loudly on the door to Deidara's room.

"Come on in, it's unlocked, un!" Deidara called, hastily grabbing a magazine from under his bed and flipping to a random page.

Pein opened the door and stepped in, raising his eyebrows at the two shinobi. He frowned, quickly looking from partner to subordinate. "Konan, Deidara, what are you two doing?"  


"Making arrangements for poker night," Konan calmly informed.

"Reading a magazine, un," Deidara piped in, turning the page.

Pein stared blankly at the magazine cover for a few moments before speaking again. "You're reading a porn magazine?" The Akatsuki leader couldn't help but sneer good-naturedly. Confused at first, Deidara's face lit up in a huge blush as he finally struck realization.

"It would appear so, un…" Deidara said slowly before giving Konan a sheepish grin. "Oops?"

"You're disgusting!" Konan exclaimed, managing to feel violated, shocked and amused all at the same time.

Deidara's shading grew even more vibrant as he held the magazine close to his chest and leapt to his feet. (Oddly enough, he still managed to keep his ear-to-ear grin.)

"I… uh ... well… I'll see you two at seven! Bye, un!" With that parting statement, he dashed out of the door like a madman.

Pein glanced from the door to Konan. "Do you have any idea what that was about?"

"I guess he was just afraid of being exposed as a pervert," She muttered, shaking her head. "If you will excuse me." Every detail of her movements catalogued by Pein, the woman stepped past him. She showed no sign of acknowledgment as she slipped out of the room, leaving behind a very curious Akatsuki leader.

"Was it really?" he asked himself before also exiting the room. "I'll just keep an eye on them, then."

**XxXxXxXxXx**

The small table was lit from above by a lone light bulb and the room was silent. Seven shinobi sat around the table, each with five cards. Five sets of five cards lay face down, their holders having been folded. This was Poker Night at the Akatsuki.

Itachi and Deidara sat straight across from each other at the table, their faces blank. After a minute of tense silence, Deidara smirked and showed his hand."Full house, Itachi. Let's see what you've got, un."

The Uchiha's stoic expression never changed as he revealed his cards. "Royal flush." Deidara pouted and shoved over his chips.

"Damn it, un."

"You should have known that Itachi would win, Deidara," Konan said as Itachi picked up his winnings, leaving the table. "Yet, week after week, you still hold onto that hope. Just give it up, baka." She flashed a confident smile after Deidara had stuck his tongue out at her.

Begrudgingly ignoring the two's all too friendly interactions, Pein took the cards from the center. After shuffling wordlessly, the redhead dealt them out to the remaining players.

A brief moment of silence hung in the stale air before Deidara placed a ten dollar chip in the center of the table.

"I'll start the bidding at ten, un."

Konan smiled, placing five ten dollar chips next to Deidara's. "I'll meet your ten and raise you forty."

Kisame threw down his cards. "I freaking fold. How can you idiots bet so high?" Growled the blue exnin before leaving the table. Zetsu also folded, staying seated.

"Your bets are indeed outlandish, and the fact that we play with two decks doesn't help your chances, either."

"C'mon, Zetsu, lighten up, un!" Deidara took six chips from his stack. "I'll meet your forty, Konan-chan, and raise you twenty, un."

"I'll meet your twenty and raise another forty." By now, Deidara and Konan had identical smirks, staring at each other with obvious competitive glints in their eyes.

Tobi clapped his hands together, causing the two ninjas to break eye contact. "Konan-chan is so bold to bet so much on a single hand!"

"Oh, she has her reasons. You always have your reasons, don't you, dear?" Pein questioned, wrapping both arms around Konan's waist and pulling her close to him. The kunoichi sent him a sideways glance, staying silent. Pein frowned at her lack of response.

Deidara tapped the table twice. "Oi, Konan, you want to discard, un?"

"No, I'll hold. Pein, dear?"

"I'll do the same," he returned, casting an uneasy glance in her direction.

Deidara nodded. "I discard three, and what about you, Tobi, un?"

The masked ninja traded in four cards. "Don't worry, Sempai, I can. I have an ace."

"Well then, it's the moment of truth! Pein, let's see what you have, un."The Akatsuki leader placed his hand face up, revealing three sevens and two fours. "I have a full house."

"Wow! What a coincidence, Pein-sama!" Tobi exclaimed, showing his hand that consisted of two aces and three nines. "I have a full house, too! What about you, Konan-chan?"

Konan smirked, looking at Deidara over her cards. "I would like to see Deidara's hand before I reveal my own, if you don't mind." Deidara nodded and revealed his hand; three eights and two two's.

"I also have a full house, un. Wow, talk about a first; three people with the same hand. Now, Konan-chan, what do you have?"

"Royal flush." The kunoichi's smirk broadened as Deidara's jaw dropped. She reached out to take the mini mountain of chips. "I do believe that these are now mine."

Pein leaned over and pecked a small kiss on Konan's cheek. "I knew you were feeling lucky for a reason." She didn't respond, instead pushing her chips over to Tobi.

"On second thought, I'm tired. I was sparring earlier today and I'm feeling a little sore. Goodnight, everyone," Konan said calmly as he stood from the table and retreated down the hallway to her room. To no one's surprise, she was immediately followed by Pein.

Deidara gathered up the cards, looking at his now meager pile of chips. "I really don't have much left, I'll just bet it all on this hand. Did anyone notice how out of it Konan looked, un?" he asked, looking at he two men still at the table.  
**  
**Zetsu only shrugged. "She's always quiet. Nothing seems different."

"Yeah… I guess you're right, un…" Deidara trailed off as he dealt out the cards. Looking at his own hand, he closed his single eye and placed the face down. "I fold. I guess I'll see you two in the morning, un." Heading down the hall to his room, he seemed nothing at all like the hyper, energetic person he was just a minute ago.

"Hey, Zetsu-san, let's look at Deidara's hand, just for fun!" Tobi exclaimed as soon as the clay bomber had left, reaching across the table to grab Deidara's rejected hand. Flipping it  
over, the two blinked in surprise.

"It's a five of a kind… aces, even," Zetsu murmured, utterly confused. "He would have won with that hand…"

"That's ... odd… I wonder why sempai threw it away…"

** XxXxXxXxXx**

"I demand that you tell me reason for your unusual behavior tonight!"

Letting out a small cry of pain, Konan was slammed against the wall of her room. Pein had her pinned to the flat surface; gripping her wrists tightly and forcing them above her head.

"I'm always quiet, what's abnormal about that?" she asked cynically, receiving a hard slap across the mouth from Pein.

"Don't use that tone with me, Konan! Why are you being so difficult?!"

Konan looked at Pein with expressionless eyes. "Because that is how I am. Now let go of me, Pein. I told you that I was sore from my sparring match earlier today."

Pein looked into Konan's eyes, searching for a conclusion. Finally he released her wrists, all the while sneering at her with contempt. "Fine, whatever, but I will learn what is wrong!" With that, he stomped out of the room, slamming the door closed and shaking the whole room.

As soon as she was sure that he wouldn't return, Konan quickly formulated a few hand symbols. Her room was completely empty in a matter of seconds save for a few small wisps of smoke.

**XxXxXxXxXx**

Removing his shirt, Deidara flopped gracelessly onto his unmade bed. Staring at the ceiling, the clay bomber noted that it smelled faintly of the sex from that afternoon." I hope Konan-chan's alright… Pein can get awful scary when he's angry, un. I just hope she doesn't get hurt ..." He blew a lock of golden hair from his nose.

The twenty-something-year-old's train of thought was cut off as Konan appeared in a puff of smoke just by his dresser. The Iwagakure missing ninja immediately sat up, looking relieved at the sight of Konan.  


"Oh, thank God you're alright, un!" He exclaimed with a sigh, bringing himself to his feet and walking towards Konan. Locking the kunoichi in a tight embrace, he spoke: "He didn't hurt you, did he, un?"Konan just shook her head.

"No… my wrists ache a little, but they won't bruise up."

"I'm glad; I was so worried that he might do something terrible to you, un!" Deidara hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go. Konan, on the other hand, struggled against him, nodding frantically to the door. The look in her eyes told Deidara that they were being listened in on.

"Um, Deidara, about that sparring match earlier." Her casual tone rose slightly. "Next time we do that, we'll have to be a little gentler. I'm ... quite sore now." Konan gave a small wink.

"Oh, sorry about that," Deidara returned, glancing at the door. Who could possibly be interested in what they were talking about, anyway? "I didn't mean to push your limits."

Konan couldn't help but smile. "Pushing limits is good every now and then," she pointed out as the door opened and Pein walked in.

"Deidara, I – Oh, Konan! I didn't know you were in here," He began, gesturing for his partner. He gave her a light kiss on the cheek before looking back at Deidara. "I have a mission for you, but I guess the briefing can wait until morning. I guess I'll see you two tomorrow, then." With that, the Akatsuki leader left the room, leaving the two alone again.

Deidara scowled at the doorway. "No, he's not suspicious at all," he commented sarcastically. "That bastard, un! When I get my hands on him, I'm gonna…"

"You aren't going to do anything," Konan ordered, placing a firm hand on Deidara's shoulder. "You would be suspicious if you were him, too."

"No I wouldn't," Deidara said, sitting back down on his bed. "Nope, this man doesn't get suspicious, un." He let out a malevolent chuckle before making a move on Konan. The next thing she knew, he had brought her on the bed; his left hand was wrapped around her collar. "I could fall asleep with you in my arms, un."

Konan blushed, a small smile forming on her lips. "As much as I wouldn't mind, I have to  
get back to my… own… you're asleep already, aren't you?!" Her eyes widened as Deidara's grip relaxed a little; unfortunately, it wasn't enough for Konan to escape. He was fast asleep.

"Well… I guess one night won't hurt…" she murmured sleepily, snuggling into his chest and drifting off into her own deep, peaceful sleep.


End file.
